36. The Devastating Costs of Unresolved Conflict, Part 2: How You Perceive Others

Hey, team! Welcome back to Lead thru values.

I am your host, James Mayhew and I help my clients create a high performance workplace by focusing on 3 key areas:

1. improving how teams communicate and work together;
2. creating a robust leadership pipeline with leaders who are ready to lead on day 1;
3. and by helping them attract, develop and keep great people.

And one of the ways I do that is with my leadership accelerator program, called XLR8.

XLR8 gives new and emerging leaders — as well as veteran leaders — the essential skills and training that they’ll need to lead their teams effectively.

This is a very situational type of coaching for leaders to build confidence in themselves and others, to improve how they listen and communicate, as well as gain the respect and trust of their teams. 

If you’d like to learn how to register for the next open session – or you’re interested in bringing XLR8 to your company, I’d love to speak with you. You can learn more at my website, JamesMayhew.com

Today I want to talk with you about how people’s perceptions factor into conflict and some of the causes of conflict that sneak into our workplaces.

Back in episode 34, I talked with you about the devastating costs of unresolved conflict. So if you haven’t had a chance to listen to that episode, be sure to go back and check that one out.

Today we’re going to continue discussing unresolved conflict, specifically focusing on how our behavior styles might actually magnify conflict as we think we’re working toward a resolution.

Let’s start with this realization.

9 out of 10 times, conflict between two people starts with a difference of priorities.

We have to understand that some people are very task oriented while others are very people oriented.

So a task oriented individual tends to view conflict as a task to be resolved. to them it’s a necessary step for growth to happen.

They approach it as an action item - something on their list of ‘to-do’s. That doesn’t mean they won’t be uncomfortable and they may not look forward to it but instead of putting it off, they’re more likely to address it

The task oriented person believes it’s necessary for growth to happen.

But for others who are more people oriented - which is actually about 2/3 of all people,they tend to see conflict as a broken relationship that needs repaired.

This puts them in a different mindset about how to approach it.

don’t miss this

you will not offend a task-oriented person by treating them like a person, like a valued relationship.

But.. it’s very likely you will offend a people-oriented person when you treat them like a task.

Here’s four common ways that people view conflict through the lens of their own behavior style:

1. the fast paced, task oriented person sees conflict as a challenge. something to be conquered. in some cases they even find it energizing.
2. the fast-paced, people oriented person sees conflict as a roller coaster of emotions. Depending on how it goes, they may never feel the same about that person.
3. The slow paced, people oriented person wants to avoid conflict at all costs. They don’t stand up for themselves well. Opposite of the first type, they find it draining.
4. the slow paced, task-oriented individual takes the position that they’re right. period. I’m right. you’re wrong. 

So understanding your own pace and your priority is imperative.