58. The whole truth and nothing but the truth?

If you’re in any kind of leadership role, there’s a reality check you need to be aware of, and it’s something I see a lot of leaders struggle with.

The reality check is this:  there’s a strong chance you’re not getting the full truth from people on your team.

That’s right. They’re holding out on you and not being 100% open and honest with you.

That’s a tough pill to swallow, but that’s why it’s an important issue to lean into. 

And that’s why it’s the topic for Episode 58 of Lead Thru Values.

Contact James today:

(319) 929-2604

coach@jamesmayhew.com

Hello and welcome back to the podcast. It’s so great to be with you again because we’re doing important work together here. 

Building a culture of performance mastery is one of the hardest things you’ll do as a leader because of all the nuances, challenges and personal growth you’ll have to do… but that means it also has the greatest reward! It rewards your employees, your customers, your bottom line and of course, you and the pride in knowing you’ve done it well, good and faithful servant. 

And that’s what we talk about on this podcast. I want to help you connect the 30,000 foot view of your business to what’s going on at the ground level.

When working with clients, the goal is to identify gaps: 

communication gaps 

knowledge gaps

leadership gaps

talent gaps

training gaps

...and then work tenaciously with the business leaders to close them.

Because there’s no shortcuts, no silver bullets to building a place where people want to come to, where they get a chance to do their best work and experience feelings of pride, fulfillment and accomplishment.

I blessed to work with some truly wonderful people. Business owners and executives who truly care about dignity, integrity and prosperity. 

And this brings me back to the topic for today which is the reality check that when you’re in a position of authority - whether that’s being a business owner, CEO, a manager, executive director - those positions put you in a spot where you’re not always getting the complete truth.

And for the people in those roles, that’s tough to hear even if they’re aware of it. The reason that it’s tough to hear is because they want to create a culture of open and honest communication.

The mistake I see being made, however, is a gap between intention and action. More specifically, I’m referring to leaders that say they want open and honest communication, that they want people on their teams to bring ideas, help them see new perspectives, even questions decisions they’re considering.

I have several people that are coming to mind right now that I know, without a doubt, want that.

And when they say it to their leadership teams or to their staff, they all agree. They nod. They smile. 

And I believe they believe they’ll do it.

So what’s the issue? The issue is rooted in the way we structure business. 

In 2009, I took a job for an upstart company as a marketing specialist. I was one of about 20 employees; a member of the team. At that time we were a pretty flat organization where all of us reported to both of the owners.

When we hit about 40 people, I moved into a manager role. And instantly the relationship dynamics changed. Now I had 2 direct reports that I managed, who just a day before were coworkers. 

We had 1:1 meetings and our little team of 3 would meet together, plus we’d meet with the marketing department. 

Being a manager now, I was invited to meetings that my team wasn’t. As a result, I had information they didn’t. Now, they knew that. It comes with the territory. 

But when people know that you know more than they do about the company’s health, direction, plans, etc., no matter what, it creates distance. A gap. That’s what I mean about the change in relationship dynamics.

About a year later I was promoted to vice president. Again, my relationships changed again. I was privy to even more inside information. Things like decisions with employees, reorganizing teams, making an acquisition.

I also noticed that because of this role people were more measured with their communication. When they used to tease me or give me a hard time, that began to slow down. 

I’d like to tell you that I was the same person, that my character hadn’t changed. I believe that, but looking back, I realized how I carried myself a little differently.

I had more things to be concerned about. Evaluations to conduct. Crucial conversations that had to happen. I learned about communication gaps and disagreements with people on my team and in other departments. 

As a leader, I spent a significant portion of my time managing conflict. Highlighting behavior and communication differences. Addressing performance issues. The essentials of employee engagement.

I frequently expressed to my team - as well as other leaders around the company that I worked with - that I welcomed their ideas, their questions, their suggestions to improve how we did stuff.

And, for the most part, I was happy that my team felt comfortable doing that.

But I sensed there was more that they weren’t comfortable sharing.

Were they truly happy with their job? 

Did they want more responsibilities? 

Were they bored? 

Were they feeling overwhelmed?

Was there something going on between them and another individual? 

When I asked those questions, I knew that I wasn’t getting the whole truth.

And I take responsibility even today that I didn’t create enough of a safe space for full transparency to occur.

That’s what I want to emphasize for you in this episode.

Your words MUST be backed with action.

At the heart of all creating a safe environment is the word trust.

You have to ask yourself: James, do people trust you? Do they believe in you? Do they believe you have their best interest in mind? 

Or, have you given them some evidence that they can’t fully trust you.

A mistake that inexperienced, immature leaders make is believing that being liked is essential for open and honest communication to occur.

That is unequivocally false.

In fact, inexperienced, immature and insecure leaders who need to be liked will create an accidental culture shift around them. 

They share little tidbits of information to build a false sense of trust. Many times they do it with subtle body language movements with their eyes, or a wry smile, or a wink.

They’re trying to communicate I’ve got more to tell you, but I’m not supposed to, so I’m going give you just a little bit more so you’ll like me.

Let me just say this:  if this is hitting home right now and you’re realizing you do these things, the first thing to do is stop. Just stop.

You’re doing more harm than you understand. And if you don’t care because you’re pissed off about a decision or some feedback you received or you didn’t get a promotion… you need to do a serious soul check. Because your personal integrity is on the line and you’re causing harm to others. 

Secure, mature leaders who are more concerned with being respected over being liked know that they can’t and won’t compromise their integrity by playing favorites and being a leak for information.

Leaders if you want to build trust, you earn trust over time through your actions, not your words. Actions like being honest and trustworthy. Being competent. Being humble. Being tactful. 

And most importantly, you don’t do anything that creates any type of doubt and fear.

If you want to maximize trust with people on your team, you do it by learning how to be a great leader and creating an environment of mutual respect and honesty.

That means you become great at the essential skills of expectations, accountability and feedback. 

Let’s break these down a little further. 

Set clear expectations with people on the team. Pro tip - you do this together in a conversation about the project. Discuss the desired outcomes. Share a vision for success when it’s done. Don’t rush the process.

Instill a culture of accountability. I get it. Some of you don’t like that word because it’s been used as a weapon of warfare between people and teams. That’s not the kind of accountability that lends itself to growth. Some of you don’t know how to instill accountability. 

Creating a culture of accountability is achieved when you emphasize excellence before, during and after an activity such as a project or presentation. Just like setting expectations, accountability that is proactive anticipates potential road blocks and challenges. It helps establish milestones and check-in points. It emphasizes transparency and helps to eliminate gaps.

And finally, great teams embrace frequent feedback. Not just the corrective kind, but also the developmental type of feedback.

Don’t take this next sentence lightly:  feedback is your #1 tool for improving individual and team performance.

Feedback that is help and not just critical, is a superior to build trust and close communication gaps.

And don’t forget to catch people doing something good and recognize it!

Be an encourager. Don’t fall into the pitfall of being overly critical. Some leaders wrongly believe that the only way to help someone develop is by telling them what they’ve done wrong. When you catch someone doing great, highlight it and encourage it to continue and you’ll get more repeat performances.

So if you want honest and full transparency from your team, you have to demonstrate over and over that you’re worthy of their trust.

You can’t play favorites. You can’t share the inside story about why someone was fired or didn’t get the promotion or chose to move on.

Those behaviors erode trust. And you may never get it back.

These are the characteristics that unleash the gifts of the people on your team.

Be yourself. Don’t fall for the myth of faking it til you make it. People are naturally savvy at picking out fakers. If you move into a new position, stay true to who you are and prepare yourself in advance. Don’t give the excuse that someone didn’t tell you what you needed to know - grab the bull by the horn and take ownership for being prepared to lead on day 1.

Be competent. You gain respect and build trust when you understand the what, why and how of what your team is working on. It’s very difficult to respect a manager who lacks competency.

Prioritize being kind over being nice. Strong and kind leaders are gracious, humble and place other’s needs above their own. Being nice rarely leads to results and often prohibits you from saying what needs said.

Finally, lead with a confidence that’s covered by humility. Admit and learn from your mistakes. Ask for help when you need it. Seek advice and counsel from people you respect.

Do these things and you’ll close communication gaps. You’ll gain respect and ultimately develop trust with your team and with your peers. You just might even set yourself up for another upward move.

If you’d like to learn more about how to close gaps in your business, why not reach out to me today and have a conversation about your business.

It’s free to do. There’s nothing to lose, but there might be a lot to gain. You can reach me best by calling 319-929-2604 or if you prefer to email, send me a message to coach@jamesmayhew.com.

As always, that information is in the notes.

I want to thank you for being part of this journey. If you got value out of this episode, it would mean a lot to me if you’d share it with someone else who’d benefit from it, as well as leave a 5-star review and subscribe on your favorite platform.

Remember, conversations create clarity. 

Clarity produces action. 

And action drives results.